I've been cured from this ailment, this addiction that's been eating me away from the inside out for almost a year now.
Because I've learned to live without you. The wrenching in my heart that would ensue every time you came across my mind, every time your smell crossed my path, every time your number popped up, every time your name was whispered...the wrenching has vanished.
I wait, I cringe, I close my eyes and bite down so hard until I feel like my jaw will explode shooting all of my teeth into my brain, but there's nothing in the end.
Saying that you're dead to me is an understatement because if you were in fact dead, you would at least cross my mind, but I don't even give you that satisfaction. You are non-existent to me.
Because I've forgotten everything that ever hurt me.
I've forgotten the way you neglected our friendship, leaving me hanging on the edge of a cliff watching me struggle and reach for you but never receiving anything in return.
I've forgotten how significant of a sycophant you've been in my life.
I've forgotten your friends and your inclination to run to them whenever something was wrong. And how I was never one of them.
I've forgotten the nights I stayed up waiting for my phone to buzz but the anticipation caused a buzzing inside myself that was never you.
I've forgotten the numbing pain that reached every part of my being that I constantly pushed to the back of my brain pretending it was never there but in reality, it did so much to me as to leave a constant chip on my shoulder.

..I've forgotten everything about you.
I've forgotten what your voice sounds like.
I've forgotten the way you text, the small abbreviations you add that give personality even to the measliest of communication.
I've forgotten your warmth, how no matter what the temperature was outside, you would always be comfortably hot.
I've forgotten your jokes, your stories, that no one really finds funny but laugh anyway.
I've forgotten the reassuring words that didn't last long enough, the pat on the back, the times you waited with me when I was too afraid to be alone.

But you're gone.
You'll never grace my mind again. I think this is what you always wanted, but were too afraid to initiate yourself.
So are you happy? You're free from me now.
You're gone now, and everyday I forget more and more about you.
You're gone.
And I'm scared.

I've been cured from this ailment, this addiction that's been eating me away from the inside out for almost a year now. And I've never been so miserable.